he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
