Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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