honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
