id be glad to
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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