Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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