Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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