But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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