yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
