So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
