One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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