Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
