so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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