I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
