I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
