you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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