bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
