You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
