i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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