I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
