The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
