I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
