I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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