I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well you can't waste a boner
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
