We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
