when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
