Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
