about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
