Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
