I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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