After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
