I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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