I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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