I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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