just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
