I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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