That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
