i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
