Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
