i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
