there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
