why didn't you poke me back
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
