dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
