im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
