I'm passing your future prison.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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