Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
