i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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