Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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