if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
