Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
