u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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