Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
