I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
