Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
