that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
