Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Randomize
