There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
